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How To Sharpen Without Shattering
Jim Walker
May 28, 2025
“Resilience isn't a single skill. It's a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive.”
— Jean Chatzky
“Who or what is sharpening us this week?”
🗡️ Why This Question Matters
Every team that aims for greatness will face pressure.
And pressure reveals truth.
“Who or what is sharpening us this week?”
This question pulls the team into a mindset of productive friction—not by removing challenge, but by preparing for it.
But here’s the critical piece:
Without the right tools, that friction can melt down morale, trust, and momentum.
So let’s talk about how to sharpen without shattering.
⚙️ What Makes Friction Productive?
Here’s what turns tension into team transformation—instead of team trauma:
✅ Psychological Safety
The belief that you can speak up, challenge ideas, or make mistakes without fear of embarrassment or retaliation.
🛠 Skill to Build:
Ask clarifying questions instead of making assumptions.
Respond to feedback with “thank you” instead of defensiveness.
Normalize respectful disagreement in team rituals.
✅ Active Listening
True listening means staying fully present—not waiting for your turn to speak or defend your point.
🛠 Skill to Build:
Use “mirroring” in conversations (“What I’m hearing is…”).
Pause before responding.
Ask: “Is there more to that?”
🛠 Skill to Build:
Set shared goals and review them weekly.
Use language like “us” and “we” when discussing friction.
Keep the vision visible.
✅ Constructive Communication
Challenge behavior or ideas—not people. And do it with clarity, not vague resentment.
🛠 Skill to Build:
Practice “SBI” Feedback:
Situation, Behavior, Impact
“In yesterday’s meeting (S), when you cut in mid-sentence (B),
it felt dismissive (I).”Ask: “What’s one thing I can do differently to support us?”
✅ Emotional Agility
Not every friction moment feels good. That’s okay. But the ability to feel discomfort without reacting destructively is a high-level team skill.
🛠 Skill to Build:
Label emotions without judgment: “I’m feeling tense about this deadline.”
Take space if needed, but return and resolve.
Use journaling, post-mortems, or 1:1s to process.
🛠️ Team Activation: The Iron-Edge Challenge
Revamped with skill-building baked in:
Step 1: Name the Sharpening Force
Ask: “What’s sharpening us this week—person, project, or pressure?”
Log it. Speak it aloud. Create shared awareness.
Step 2: Reframe the Strain
Ask: “How is this sharpening us? What new skill, mindset, or standard is being forged here?”
Facilitator Tip:
Encourage someone to name one skill they’re learning because of the pressure. E.g.,
“This is making me better at asking for help.”
“This is teaching us how to communicate under pressure.”
Step 3: Skill Up Together
Each week, pick one “Sharpening Skill” to focus on as a team.
Example Weekly Focuses:
“This week, we’re building emotional agility.”
“This week, we’re practicing active listening during stand-ups.”
“This week, we challenge ideas—not each other.”
Track growth, not perfection.
⚔️ BONUS: The Sharpening Partner System
Pair up monthly. Use structured questions like:
“Where are you being stretched right now?”
“What feedback would sharpen me this week?”
“How can I support your growth with challenge—not comfort?”
You’re building coaching inside the team. No outside consultants required.
🎯 Leadership Insight
Leaders, you set the edge.
Model feedback with grace.
Celebrate resilience over perfection.
And always connect the fire to the future: “This is hard—because it’s making us better.”
🔥 Final Thought
Iron sharpens iron. And every spark is a sign you’re working the edge of your potential.
So ask the question: “Who or what is sharpening us this week?”
Then bring the skill.
Bring the safety.
And embrace the friction.
Because your team isn’t here to stay safe.
Your team is here to become unbreakable.
